THOUGHTS AT THE CEMETERY

Nabubuhay tayo knowing that at any moment, something unexpected can happen to us. Pwede tayong ma-aksidente, magkaron ng malubhang sakit o kaya naman mamatay dahil sa kalamidad, or be involved in a war (wag naman sana).

And even if we're lucky to live long enough, iisa lang din ang ending nating lahat: death. We are just passing through this earth.

Ngayon na may anak na ako, I pray for long life for both myself and my husband. Hindi naman ako masyadong takot mamatay, but I just can't imagine my daughter growing up without me, lalo na walang makakapantay sa pagmamahal ng isang nanay sa kanyang anak. Baka mapalo lang sya ng iba o kaya lumaki sya na hindi nararanasan ung mga masasayang bagay na gusto kong pagdaanan nya. Ayoko din na maging malungkot sya dahil wala na syang mommy. 

I want to be able to create a life full of memories with her. I look forward to her many firsts: Easter egg hunts, trick-or-treating, amusement park rides, etc. We'll travel to different places and go car camping. I want to be able to participate in her homework and school projects. Gusto ko kasama nya akong mamili ng mga school supplies nya sa mall tapos tambay sa isang coffee shop after. Sasamahan ko din sya sa mga field trips para may taga picture sya. Haha. We'll cook together, get pampered at the salon, go on food adventures and simply talk about life.

I want to be always there for her, to keep her safe, to comfort her when she's sad, and to celebrate her successes. I want to be the person she can always count on.

Knowing I could die tomorrow makes me want to enjoy the little things, find joy in everyday life kahit paulit-ulit at hindi natatapos ang mga gawaing bahay and to be present in every moment.

This is also why I try to write regularly here on my blog, so she can look back on our life together and feel my presence in every story and in every captured moment. It will be a way for her to feel connected to me, even when I'm not physically here, hoping that it'll bring her comfort.

But while I'm still here, I want to create beautiful and precious moments with my daughter, syempre kasama daddy nya.

Lord, please grant my prayers. 🙏🏼